July 20 the start of an unknown journey... Thanks goodness and to God I am done taking my id picture for some government benefits... Now time to go back again to the hospital where I have been waiting lately for more than 2 hours. They need a break, so I was forced to come back again... Now waiting time starts.... I hate this long waiting, not that I am impatient, just that I hate the feelings... I hate the crowd, people that walks to and fro in front of me, makes me sick. I hate to see newborn babies thinking how fragile they could be, hate seeing people in stitches and crutches, worst... in wheelchair thinking how helpless they could be... I hate the noise, seems it adds up to the pounding of my heart, making it more faster and more louder, like a loud cry that's deafening me... Why am I here anyway? For a moment my mind is blank. It's been my dream, but.... Why the questions? Why the searching of answers? and most of all why the fears??? Now I couldn't think of anything... Everything just mixed up with the "what if's"... What if I draw back and not continue? Will I ever know? This time is apparently my last chance, the only spark of hope left in my life... I don't wanna regret that I never tried and do... I wanna take this chance for the last time, and whatever the outcome may maybe, may God help me... So I stood up, brace myself with my shaking legs, and faced the doctor. It took almost 30 minutes just talking him... Well...need to come back by Thursday for further examinations and clarifications... So let us see what will happen next. This is just the beginning of my searching... for a hope of a new dawn in me...
No comments:
Post a Comment