Search for a New Dawn

July 20 the start of an unknown journey... Thanks goodness and to God I am done taking my id picture for some government benefits... Now time to go back again to the hospital where I have been waiting lately for more than 2 hours. They need a break, so I was forced to come back again... Now waiting time starts.... I hate this long waiting, not that I am impatient, just that I hate the feelings... I hate the crowd, people that walks to and fro in front of me, makes me sick. I hate to see newborn babies thinking how fragile they could be, hate seeing people in stitches and crutches, worst... in wheelchair thinking how helpless they could be... I hate the noise, seems it adds up to the pounding of my heart, making it more faster and more louder, like a loud cry that's deafening me... Why am I here anyway? For a moment my mind is blank. It's been my dream, but.... Why the questions? Why the searching of answers? and most of all why the fears??? Now I couldn't think of anything... Everything just mixed up with the "what if's"... What if I draw back and not continue? Will I ever know? This time is apparently my last chance, the only spark of hope left in my life... I don't wanna regret  that  I never tried and do... I wanna take this chance for the last time, and whatever the outcome may maybe, may God help me... So I stood up, brace myself with my shaking legs, and faced the doctor. It took almost 30 minutes just talking him... Well...need to come back by Thursday for further examinations and clarifications... So let us see what will happen next. This is just the beginning of my searching... for a hope of a new dawn in me...

No One is Perfect

This morning found myself being tagged of a note about lesbians and gays. Coincidentally the prayer meeting's topic lately was also about lesbians and gays, so it triggers me to write about my own views about it. Don't take me wrong as homosexuality is completely out of this topic. And I don't conform with it, as it is against the law, be it naturally or spiritually. I just don't agree and I think it is unfair to say that lesbians and gays are destined for damnation, or they are crazy freaks born out in this world. Who we to condemn anyone? In the first place who wants to be a lesbian or a gay? Are they given the choice what would they be like after being born? It isn't their choice because no one in this world were born by choice and we know this for fact. My point is Lesbians and gays are part of this world, part of Gods creation. They were created as normal people were created. They maybe different in a way but they have also spirit, soul and feelings as normal people do, what I am trying to say is they are also human...And as humans, I believe, Lesbian's and Gay's have rights as normal people have. They have goodness, skills, beauty and talent as normal people do. And as part of God creation I believe they have chances even for ethereal matters, just if they are willing to work for it, for they are humans too. It is not their mistake nor their sin being born that way, so who are we to judge? Instead of mocking and deriding them , why don't we just leave them behind and let them live as normal people do? If we can't treat them good and right why don't we just leave them alone as a respect, even if it's just for the sake of them being human. Lucky are we who were born normal, so let us try to be humane. We maybe born normal, but we are no less than different from them, as we also have our own flaws. No one is perfect and this don't give us the right to belittle anyone or anybody. Unless you haughtily  think and believe your perfect...and Do you...?

Behind This Bleak Black Eye

Behind This Bleak Black Eyes

Look intently, it tells a story. A story from time immemorial,that covers all its corners with darkeness.

It wants to give up when a stranger came, shading colors to it's dull and lifeless world like a knight and shinig armor.

But all of a sudden gone with the wind leaving it alone without even any single traces at all.

It's world tumbles down, as it battles up itself with scattered bits and pieces of its broken dreams.

Now every thing that could be its everything vanished. Left alone with only Loneliness as its friend, the only one that is willing to share its pain, embracing all its heartaches....

So it tells heartache to leave today, search another to lean on, and find any one else to rain on as it is now barely hanging on. For sorrow shallowed it whole, tormenting it to low lament.

Anguish deactivates its system, numb and tired, wanting to cry no more then it bravely whisper... " You won't get to see this tears I cried behind this Bleak Black Eye"